Forgive me in advance. I’m tired, which tends to make me more emotional (as if more is possible-I’m the one that cries at the end of Sci-Fi books when someone dies for pete’s sake).  After a long travelling weekend, and getting in late, I thought I’d crawl back into bed after dropping off the kid at school. My mind, unfortunately, hasn’t stopped long enough for me to get back to sleep…and what do bloggers do when they can’t sleep? We blog, of course.

The hubby was home this past week and I savored every moment we got to spend together, even if it was just driving to pick up lumber and grocery shopping. Today, while making myself coffee, I found myself humming, smiling, thinking of my time with him, the conversations we had, the plans we made, and the dreams we have together. It was a real Disney fairy tale sing-a-long moment (I might have even done a little twirl). Then I step into my bedroom to hear an announcement on the news about the missing plane wreckage being found in the Indian Ocean. The music in my head stops playing and I instantly grieve for the families of 240+ people that have held out hope for two weeks that their loved ones would return. See Malaysian Flight 

While travelling home Sunday, a thirty-minute stretch took closer to fifty. I was on a 2 lane highway, in a little caravan behind an RV. We pulled over five times for two police cars, two fire vehicles, and two ambulances. I had just passed through a fairly large town, and travelling into a smaller one, where the emergency vehicles were coming from. It was obvious there had been an accident of some kind behind me. Closely behind me. It could have been me. Two days of driving, impatient to get home, sleepy, and bored. Thank you Lord for keeping me safe. We are never guaranteed tomorrow, if you need a reminder of the frailty of life, just turn on the news.

I had walked into my bedroom planning to write a completely different post. The one involving my Prince Charming, our kingdom (Beautiful Nazareth Farms), and our loyal subject (the teenage daughter that kept animals fed and watered, the pipes from freezing, etc., and all without complaint).  I was going to talk about how much this farm life has changed me. How I finally feel that hole in my soul is closed up. That I am full. Satisfied. Content. I don’t need expensive hair salon visits to make me beautiful. My house doesn’t have to look like it’s going to be featured in a glossy magazine. I don’t need expensive clothes to look successful (or to prove that my husband is). If I’m honest with you, I really am just a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl, my hair is in a ponytail 6 days out of 7 and I get irritated that I’ve chipped the nail polish in two days. Don’t get me wrong, I still like the salon, but my visits are few and far between (a farm girl still wants to feel like a girl) :)

It’s not pretty by any means (even a little embarrassing when someone new comes over), but if you are in need, there is love, food, and warmth, inside this house.  Isn’t that what really matters anyway?  The fullness comes from all of these things. It’s safe. As much as I’d like to keep my family here in this safe haven we’ve created, I know it’s unreasonable to hope for. But I keep dreaming of the day when he won’t have to travel for work anymore. One day, all our sacrifices and dreams will become reality of self-sufficiency and he can be a full time farmer with me.

I feel like this post is all over the board so I will end with a final thought for you.

This is what we are striving for at Beautiful Nazareth Farms. If you come for dinner, you may get mismatched silverware, and seated in a lawn chair. If conditions are right, we might have a bonfire, and sit around it talking. As you roll out your sleeping bag in your tent, you will hear the owl hoot as he ‘keeps watch’ over the geese, and you will hear geese ‘chattering’ as they settle in to sleep. If you are lucky enough to be awake at morning feeding, you will witness the smiles of four adorable pigs. You will wish you had a fine pair of muck boots like mine, so you can go in the pen and meet the pigs personally, give them a scratch behind the ear, or a pat on the head. You can witness the most beautiful colors of the sunrise alone on the lawn swing, walking about on the property, or as you take a morning walk down to the lake.  Because that is what this place is about. This is success. This is contentment. This…is being full.

3 thoughts on “Full

  1. So glad you arrived back home safely, and I’ll be so glad when you and J are together more and not so far apart. I didn’t realize until now the name of your homestead, and I must say I love it. And I love what you’ve written. I’m not a salon girl either, nor do I need fancy clothes, nor a fancy house with lots of material trappings. I just want a home where contentment reigns and where Bob and I love each other and our home. Friends and family who come here need to be ready to accept us and our home the way we are, or we question whether they truly love us for just who we are. :) Loving you three very much as we pray for you daily.

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